Well, I found this on my friend 's journal and I was struck by just how utterly biased it was, based upon the viewpoint of Mrs. Crumplebottom that anyone of the newer generations is irredeemably evil, and making use of absolutely anything it could to prove the point.

Granted, some of these things are in fact quite wrong, but the fact that it basically seems to be saying, "if you've EVER done this in your life, under any circumstances, it counts," it's nearly impossible to be a good kid. And, if by chance you do manage a good score, it simply slaps you with a label of "goody goody." The best it allows you to hope for is "Average." On top of this, many of these things cannot under any reasonable, let alone Objectivist, standpoint be considered remotely wrong, especially if the situation occurred only once. It even goes so far as to blame you for the actions of others, such as your being called a slut or a bad influence, as if it were inherently your fault that they judge you as such, or even simply wanted to jab at you.

To demonstrate this, I've completed the test twice: first taking it as literally as possible, and secondly, using logic and common sense to make sense of the exceedingly biased, nonspecific "conditions."

Trial #1
Taking the questions literally.

1. Smoked. [ ]
2. Consumed alcohol. [x]
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. [x]
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. [x]
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. [x]
6. Had sex. [ ]
7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x]
8. Watched porn. [x]
9. Bought porn. [ ]
10. Done drugs. [ ]
TOTAL: 6

11. Taken painkillers. [x]
12. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [x]
13. Lied to your parents. [x]
14. Lied to a friend. [x]
15. Been to rehab. [ ]
16. Done something illegal. [x]
17. Cut yourself. [x]
18. Hurt someone. [x]
19. Been to a club. [ ]
20. Seen someone die. [ ]
TOTAL: 7

21. Missed curfew. [x]
22. Stayed out all night. [x]
23. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. [x]
24. Been to a therapist. [x]
25. Snuck out of the house. [x]
26. Dyed your hair. [x]
27. Received a ticket. [ ]
28. Been in an accident. [ ]
29. Wished someone to die. [ ]
30. Been to a bar. [x]
TOTAL: 8

31. Been to a wild party. [x]
32. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ]
33. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ]
34. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ]
35. Sniffed anything. [x]
36. Wore black nail polish. [ ]
37. Wore arm bands. [ ]
38. Wore t-shirts with band names. [ ]
39. Listened to rap. [x]
40. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ]
TOTAL: 3

41. Dressed Gothic. [ ]
42. Dressed prep. [ ]
43. Dressed punk. [ ]
44. Dressed grunge. [ ]
45. Stole something. [x]
46. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ]
47. Blacked out. [ ]
48. Fainted. [ ]
49. Had a crush on a neighbor. [ ]
TOTAL: 1

50. Snuck into someone else's room. [ ]
51. Had a crush on your friend. [ ]
52. Been to a concert. [ ]
53. Dry-humped someone. [ ]
54. Been called a slut. [ ]
55. Called someone a slut. [x]
56. Installed speakers in your car. [ ]
57. Broken a mirror. [x]
58. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [x]
59. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. [ ]
TOTAL: 3

60. Consider/Considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ]
61. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [ ]
62. Cruised the mall. [x]
63. Skipped school. [x]
64. Had surgery. [ ]
65. Had an injury. [x]
66. Gone to court. [ ]
67. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. [x]
68. Caught something on fire. [x]
69. Lied about your age. [x]
TOTAL: 6


70. Owned/rented an apartment. [x]
71. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ]
72. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. [ ]
73. Got in trouble with the police. [ ]
74. Talked to a stranger. [x]
75. Hugged a stranger. [ ]
76. Kissed a stranger. [ ]
77. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ]
78. Been harassed. [x]
79. Been verbally harassed. [x]
TOTAL: 4

80. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. [ ]
81. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. [x]
82. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. [ ]
83. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x]
84. Been to a fair. [x]
85. Been called a bad influence. [ ]
86. Drink and drive. [ ]
87. Prank-called someone. [x]
88. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. [x]
89. Cheated on a test. [ ]
TOTAL: 5

TEST TOTAL: 42

-If You Have Less Then 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]
-If you have more than 60..write [I'm absolutely awful]

Apparently, I'm a very bad influence when I take the test literally.


Trial #2
Applying logic and common sense.

1. Smoked. [ ]
2. Consumed alcohol. [ ]
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. [ ]
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. [ ]
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. [ ]
6. Had sex. [ ]
7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x]
8. Watched porn. [ ]
9. Bought porn. [ ]
10. Done drugs. [ ]
TOTAL: 1

11. Taken painkillers. [ ]
12. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [ ]
13. Lied to your parents. [x]
14. Lied to a friend. [x]
15. Been to rehab. [ ]
16. Done something illegal. [x]
17. Cut yourself. [ ]
18. Hurt someone. [ ]
19. Been to a club. [ ]
20. Seen someone die. [ ]
TOTAL: 3

21. Missed curfew. [x]
22. Stayed out all night. [ ]
23. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. [ ]
24. Been to a therapist. [x]
25. Snuck out of the house. [ ]
26. Dyed your hair. [ ]
27. Received a ticket. [ ]
28. Been in an accident. [ ]
29. Wished someone to die. [ ]
30. Been to a bar. [ ]
TOTAL: 2

31. Been to a wild party. [ ]
32. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ]
33. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ]
34. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ]
35. Sniffed anything. [ ]
36. Wore black nail polish. [ ]
37. Wore arm bands. [ ]
38. Wore t-shirts with band names. [ ]
39. Listened to rap. [ ]
40. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ]
TOTAL: 0

41. Dressed Gothic. [ ]
42. Dressed prep. [ ]
43. Dressed punk. [ ]
44. Dressed grunge. [ ]
45. Stole something. [x]
46. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ]
47. Blacked out. [ ]
48. Fainted. [ ]
49. Had a crush on a neighbor. [ ]
TOTAL: 1

50. Snuck into someone else's room. [ ]
51. Had a crush on your friend. [ ]
52. Been to a concert. [ ]
53. Dry-humped someone. [ ]
54. Been called a slut. [ ]
55. Called someone a slut. [x]
56. Installed speakers in your car. [ ]
57. Broken a mirror. [x]
58. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [ ]
59. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. [ ]
TOTAL: 2

60. Consider/Considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ]
61. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [ ]
62. Cruised the mall. [x]
63. Skipped school. [ ]
64. Had surgery. [ ]
65. Had an injury. [x]
66. Gone to court. [ ]
67. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. [ ]
68. Caught something on fire. [x]
69. Lied about your age. [ ]
TOTAL: 3


70. Owned/rented an apartment. [ ]
71. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ]
72. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. [ ]
73. Got in trouble with the police. [ ]
74. Talked to a stranger. [x]
75. Hugged a stranger. [ ]
76. Kissed a stranger. [ ]
77. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ]
78. Been harassed. [x]
79. Been verbally harassed. [x]
TOTAL: 3

80. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. [ ]
81. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. [x]
82. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. [ ]
83. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x]
84. Been to a fair. [ ]
85. Been called a bad influence. [ ]
86. Drink and drive. [ ]
87. Prank-called someone. [ ]
88. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. [ ]
89. Cheated on a test. [ ]
TOTAL: 2

TEST TOTAL: 17

-If You Have Less Then 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]
-If you have more than 60..write [I'm absolutely awful]

And now I'm a goody-goody, approching the border to average.

How did so many of these change? Well, lets have another look at Trial #1:

1. Smoked. [ ] — Nope.

2. Consumed alcohol. [x] — My parents used to give a very small amount of champagne for New Year's. I never really liked it, though, and told them to just get me soda water when I was maybe seven.

3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. [x] —My brother and I shared a bed until we were about five. Since he's male and I'm female, that means it counts... or does it?

4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. [x] — My parents, when I was young. My mother is also female.

5. Kissed someone of the same sex. [x] — Mom, again, and my (much older) sister, always to say goodnight or goodbye. Also, notice how it' perfectly fine if you kiss someone of the opposite gender, but not of the same gender? Homophobic much?

6. Had sex. [ ] — Nope. And, seeing as how some parents not only allow it, but actually encourage it, this does not count towards badness for everyone!

7. Had someone in your room other than family. [x] — A couple good friends. All of whom, my parents knew and had no problem with being there. None of whom have I ever had more than a friendship with.

8. Watched porn. [x] — I once stumbled onto a porn site using Native American women while I was looking for pictures of Native Americans for a school project. I was quite young at the time, so I had no idea these were out there. You could say that, in retrospect, the resulting innocent confusion was absolutely hilarious.

9. Bought porn. [ ] — Nope.

10. Done drugs. [ ] — Nope.

11. Taken painkillers. [x] — Yeah, for pain. Surely that counts as "taking painkillers"?

12. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. [x] — In this case, it was my mom's prescription acne cream, with her permission. She even applied it for me. And it wasn't even very good at its job.

13. Lied to your parents. [x] — Guilty. I'm a bit of an antisocial-disorder case: I like to lie for personal amusement. And I am very, very good at it (rest assured, I don't usually lie much on the internet on the principle that I don't like to do the same thing as everyone else, and nearly everyone lies on the internet). I once lead them to believe that cheese tasted green to me, while it felt loud. XD Of course, these were mostly "jerking their chains," but there were obviously the other cover-up lies and such.

14. Lied to a friend. [x] — White lies, mostly.

15. Been to rehab. [ ] — Nope. But isn't that more of a sign that you're trying to get your life back on track?

16. Done something illegal. [x] — I am guilty of theft, and hanging out on school grounds after-hours. Never been caught, though, and never stolen anything of much value (like, maybe $20 total (as in ever)). I only once stole from a store, and that was just a single, small tigereye rock at a Disneyland giftshop. I'm a bit of a klepto, as well, but relatively controlled as of roughly five years ago. I steal things from people and wait to see if they notice. Even if they don't, they get it back; the fun is in the actual act of stealing the item. XD

17. Cut yourself. [x] — Yeah, by accident. Geeze.

18. Hurt someone. [x] — I'm tomboyish in how I communicate and interact with people: I'm more likely to punch you on the arm than to ask if you're okay or tell you you can come to me, even though I'm notorious among friends for being the best person to go to for advice and condolences. Naturally, sometimes this results in a small bruise. Or I hit a bruise, and that hurts.

19. Been to a club. [ ] — Nope. And what if it was Boys and Girls Club...?

20. Seen someone die. [ ] — Nope. Although how the hell does that make you bad? What if you were staying by your father's side in his final moments...?

21. Missed curfew. [x] — Yeah, so I'm occasionally up past bedtime. Bite me.

22. Stayed out all night. [x] — Ever heard of a sleepover?

23. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. [x] — Sometimes, nobody else wants any chocolate ice cream over the course of the week or so it takes for me to eat it all. Oh well.

24. Been to a therapist. [x] — I didn't get along well with other kids while in elementary school. Parents/school didn't like that. So therapy it was. With no effect. Apparently, it didn't occur to them to send the bullies to therapists. Oh well.

25. Snuck out of the house. [x] — What? So I couldn't sleep a few times in the winter and stepped outside while everyone else was asleep for a walk. I was armed and ready for an ambush, so I was fine. I stayed in the neighborhood, so I was fine. Is that a problem?

26. Dyed your hair. [x] — People kept calling me a dumb blonde. I didn't like that, so I died it to a slightly darker shade, which then somehow became my natural haircolor. How is this bad?

27. Received a ticket. [ ] — Nope.

28. Been in an accident. [ ] — Nope. Although this implies that if you were five and your parents got into a crash when you happened to be in the car, you're a bad kid.

29. Wished someone to die. [ ] — Nope.

30. Been to a bar. [x] — Does a sports bar count? Even if I never drank alcohol there?

31. Been to a wild party. [x] — Depends on what you'd call "wild." When I turned 10, the twenty-some third/fourth-grade kids that showed up and commenced to run around on a sugar-high playing "Pokemon" seemed pretty wild to me.

32. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. [ ] — Never even been anywhere near New Orleans. And exactly why does going to a parade, possibly as a five-year-old with your parents, make you a bad kid?

33. Drank more than four beers in a night. [ ] — Nope. Although my dad drinks half a 36 pack in a day. And yet, he's one of the best people I know, and he's never drunk (unless he's had three or more glasses of brandy, which is rare, and even then he's only slightly more irritable than normal).

34. Had a spring break in Florida. [ ] — Noo... and apparently Florida is the home of Satan, or... what?

35. Sniffed anything. [x] — A marker, once. When I was like seven. And I didn't even do it on purpose, I was just using it to draw a brochure for the Fountain of Youth. Which was a school assignment. >_< And I didn't get high, unless a little light-headed = high.

36. Wore black nail polish. [ ] — Nope. And that's bias against people who just like the color black.

37. Wore arm bands. [ ] — No, and how the hell is that wrong?!

38. Wore t-shirts with band names. [ ] — No... Wtf?

39. Listened to rap. [x] — Yeah, when my sister drives the car. How is that wrong?

40. Owned a 50 Cent CD. [ ] — No, and why is 50 Cent in particular evil?

41. Dressed Gothic. [ ] — Nope. Not really wrong, either.

42. Dressed prep. [ ] — No. And I'm sorry, but preps ARE evil. Okay, maybe not....

43. Dressed punk. [ ] — No. And since that's all about non-conformity... apparently it's wrong to want to be different.

44. Dressed grunge. [ ] — No. Why does dressing in a certain style or another make you Spawn of Satan anyway?

45. Stole something. [x] — See my explanation for "Done something illegal."

46. Been too drunk to remember anything. [ ] — Never been drunk.

47. Blacked out. [ ] — No. Apparently, memory/physical problems makes you bad.

48. Fainted. [ ] — No. Apparently, many , many Victorian girls were terrible people.

49. Had a crush on a neighbor. [ ] — No. Why would it be wrong to "like" a neighbor, anyway?

50. Snuck into someone else's room. [ ] — No.

51. Had a crush on your friend. [ ] — For the record, no. What, so friends and neighbors are off-limits now? So the only thing left is strangers? And doing anything with anyone you don't know is also wrong? Geeze...

52. Been to a concert. [ ] — No. And what if said concert were a symphony, opera, or, god forbid, the Wiggles??!!

53. Dry-humped someone. [ ] — I don't even know what this means. And I would like to keep it that way. Call me sheltered, whatever. Just, please, respect that request if you know, m'kay?

54. Been called a slut. [ ] — No... and apparently I'm responsible not only for wether or not people like me, but also for what they say to me. Nice.

55. Called someone a slut. [x] — Once, in a total freak-out many, many years ago on the playground. This is one of very few fleeting, blurry memories from that incidence.

56. Installed speakers in your car. [ ] — No, I don't know how to do that. And I don't have a car. Apparently, knowing about cars and putting in speakers, even if you built the car from scratch and would like to be able to hear music or even talk shows while riding in it, is wrong.

57. Broken a mirror. [x] — Yes. It was on the floor. I stepped on it. Oops. Oddly enough, I have only had better luck since then. And how is this wrong, anyway?

58. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. [x] — Well, the house is my dad's property, and dad is male...

59. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. [ ] — No. And that's not really wrong... just lazy.

60. Consider/Considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. [ ] — No. Apparently, he's as bad as 50 Cent.

61. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. [ ] — No. And that's not remotely wrong, it just means you like either lots of blood and gore/swearing/drugs with a bit of sex mixed in, depending on the genre. Which is only wrong in the eyes of a complete, liberal prude.

62. Cruised the mall. [x] — Assuming this means "walked around in the mall," duh. Anyone who has been to a mall is apparently wrong.

63. Skipped school. [x] — Once, my dad pulled my brother and I out early to take us to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban in IMAX. On a snowy day with a two-hour delay, the 'rents let us stay home once. I had a doctor's appointment one time and just went home afterward. And I skipped out on PE once to hang out in the school library while on my first "red week." Is any of this really gang-related?

64. Had surgery. [ ] — No. Apparently, having anything go wrong with your internal organs means you're demon-possessed.

65. Had an injury. [x] — WTF?! YES, I HAVE HAD CUTS, BRUISES, AND BROKE MY ARM ON ONE OCCASION. Apparently, being anything but immune to falls, sharp or blunt objects, and accidents is a crime.

66. Gone to court. [ ] — No.

67. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. [x] — Well, since I'm with mom and dad and they don't always leave a tip, I guess I'm wrong.

68. Caught something on fire. [x] Okay, there was the paper towel-candle thing. That was one time. And nothing else burned. I guess this could probably fit.

69. Lied about your age. [x] Ohh, so I was twelve and went into the pool when it said "You must be 14." Whatever. This is more a petty... well, nothing, really.

70. Owned/rented an apartment. [x] There was one time when mom, my brother, and I lived in an apartment. And since I was with mom, that technically could be called "owning/renting an apartment." Which, apparently, is wrong.

71. Broke the law in the police's presence. [ ] — No. Although I did find a funny Darwin Award about this that happened not too terribly far from where I live.

72. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. [ ] — Never made out with anyone.

73. Got in trouble with the police. [ ] — Nope. And they'll never catch me! Ah-hahahaha!!

74. Talked to a stranger. [x] — Yeah, I said "Hello" to someone once. Apparently, that's wrong. Even if you're both five.

75. Hugged a stranger. [ ] — No.

76. Kissed a stranger. [ ] — No.

77. Rode in the car with a stranger. [ ] — Noo, that's how Amber Alerts get issued.

78. Been harassed. [x] One time, a guy just would not leave me alone. Until I finally gave him a firm and very cold rejection, after which he promptly dropped out of school. Apparently, his initial failure to take the hint was my fault, and I should feel bad about that. Sorry if I'm not interested in a 16-year-old eighth-grader with a bald spot that was clearly not intentional.

79. Been verbally harassed. [x] Somehow, the entire elementary school got the impression that I was a nosepicker. So they verbally harassed me, even though it wasn't true. Apparently, that was my fault.

80. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. [ ] — Nope.

81. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. [x] — Guilty. I like the internet and videogames. What's wrong with that?

82. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. [ ] — Nope. That's pretty useless, though.

83. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. [x] — Apparently, it's wrong to watch a House-athon, or a Trek-athon, or any other kind of lengthy marathon. Pfft.

84. Been to a fair. [x] — Yeah, a Christian festival and a medieval fair. Oh, yes, I'm Satan.

85. Been called a bad influence. [ ] — No, althouth that apparently would be automatically correct just because someone else says so.

86. Drink and drive. [ ] — Nope.

87. Prank-called someone. [x] — A friend, once. Who knew it was coming. So it's not really a prank-call.

88. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. [x] — Yeah, my dad. And my brother. Apparently, I'm a whore for it.

89. Cheated on a test. [x] — I used a calculator on a math test. And it was allowed to do so. But still technically cheating.

So yeah.

~DaigurenHyorinmaru, out.